Loss
by RavenclawHermionedistrict 4
Summary: Dan gets a horrific phone call- his Mum has died. So I found some phanfics I wrote back in 2014 on my computer so I decided to release them into the wild! Don't know what they are like but someone might enjoy them!


The words were still ringing in his mind: "I'm sorry Dan, your Mother has passed away".

Dan couldn't comprehend it. His Mum couldn't be dead, "she can't be...I'm only 22...this can't be happening..." But then it hit Dan like a tonne of bricks-his Dad had told him. His Dad had been crying over the phone. His Dad wouldn't lie to him about something like this. That's when Dan knew: his Mum was dead. She was not coming back. Never. He would never speak to her again, never hug her again, never get to call her mummy again, never be able to phone her up when things got tough, never laugh at her jokes...she was gone.

Dan didn't register dropping his phone on the floor or collapsing on the floor. He was too caught up in his thoughts to realise. The next thing Dan knew he was on the floor crying so hard it sounded more like a wounded animal; his body shaking, tears pouring out of his eyes like a fountain- Dan had never cried this hard before: not when he dropped out of college, not during any of his existential crisis, not when his dog died. This was a whole new level of Dan.

Phil was in his bedroom editing for a new video, which he hoped to upload later tonight, when he heard the sound of something hitting the floor. "Probably just Dan dropping something," he thought to himself but then Phil heard the most pained sound he had ever heard and knew immediately it was Dan- no one else was in the apartment. Phil knew that Dan had either just hurt himself very, very badly or just been hurt by someone-what else could make happy, cheery Dan make those sorts of sounds? Filled with dread and worry, Phil jumped off his bed with complete disregard for his laptop and nearly sprinted out of his room, pausing only to grab his phone just in case of the worse...

When Phil entered the room, the sight he saw broke his heart: Dan was on the floor, curled into a ball with tears streaming down his face. The sobs wracking his body and, at close proximity, the wailing sounds he was producing shattered Phil's heart into a million pieces (even during the worse times, Dan barely broke down , and when he did it was almost silent and seemed almost controlled). This was so different-something big had happened to evoke this reaction from Dan. Another wail from Dan brought Phil out of his trance and he knew, whatever it was, that he had to be there for Dan.

Dan was so wrecked with grief that he didn't notice his best friend come into the room but he did register the arms that pulled him off the ground and on to their lap. Dan immediately threw himself into Phil's chest and clung onto him for dear life. Dan continued to cry into Phil's chest- he could feel Phil's t-shirt becoming soaked with tears but he was beyond caring. Phil was hugging Dan so tightly, rocking him backwards and forwards, reminding him of how his mother used to comfort him when he was a young boy. The thought only brought the pain soaring back, that she would never hold him again, never comfort him again, never tell him she loved him ever again...He hadn't spoken to her in days! Never had a chance to say goodbye. She was just taken from him, never to be seen again. These thoughts brought on fresh bouts of sobbing from Dan, who just buried himself deeper into Phil's chest. Phil just continued to rock the younger boy and rub circles on his back while whispering comforting words even though he was sure Dan couldn't hear him over his sobbing.

Eventually Dan's tears dried up but that was only because he had no more tears to give. His whole body was still shaking with grief. Phil on the other hand still had no idea what was wrong with Dan but he didn't want to push it; whatever it was, was obviously serious. Even when Dan had been going through the stress of university he never cried this much. This was genuine pain.

Once Dan's shaking had subsided a bit more, Phil decided to try and find out what had caused such a reaction from him.

Very tentatively, Phil said in a quiet voice: "Dan?" Dan slowly lifted his head up from Phil's chest and looked at Phil. The sight broke Phil's heart: his face was a picture of sadness, pain and grief. "Are you ready to tell me what's up, bear?"

Dan sniffled and looked like he was going to break down into renewed anguish but instead he just gave a small nod.

"My Mum...she...she..."

Phil's heart sank as he had a bad idea where this was going but he hoped he was wrong

"...she...d...died…" Dan managed to choke out before breaking down into fresh sorrow.

"Oh Dan! I'm so sorry" Phil said as he pulled Dan even closer to him, holding him tighter than he ever had before.

Phil could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He knew Dan's mum. She treated him almost like a son when he went round theirs and she was like a second mum to him. Seeing Dan so heartbroken only added to Phil's urge to cry. But he didn't. He had to keep it together for Dan. If Dan saw him cry that would just make him even more upset if that was even possible and that was the last thing Dan needed. Right now he needed someone to be strong for him as he certainly couldn't, nor was Phil expecting him, to be.

After what felt like forever Dan's sobs began to subside but he still clung to Phil like a small child and Phil wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon. Phil continued to rub circles on Dan's back until Dan punctured the silence by saying:

"Phil ... thank you."

"For what, Dan?"

"Just for always being here."

"Don't me stupid, Dan! I'll always be here for you. Don't you forget that, Dan."

"Thank you, Phil," Dan stuttered with fresh tears falling down his face.

Phil looked down at Dan, who was still resting in Phil's lap with his arms wrapped tightly around him. His eyes were red from crying and the bags underneath them more prominent than ever. His hair had gone slightly back to its hobbit hair state from his tears. He looked so adorable and yet so broken. Phil became aware of how long they'd actually spent on the floor and it wasn't the most comfortable of positions. Phil decided to move Dan over to the sofa where it would be more comfortable for the both of them. Phil cradled Dan in his arms and with surprising ease lifted Dan off the floor and carried him the short distance to the sofa. Phil placed him gently down and unwrapped Dan from around him. Phil had just turned round to go to the kitchen to grab Dan a glass of water, assuming he be parched after all the crying he had done, when he felt Dan grab his hand.

"Please don't leave me," he said with his sad brown eyes staring at Phil.

"I wasn't planning on it, silly! I was just going to get you a glass of water."

"Is that all? and you'll be straight back?"

"The kitchen is literally just through there, Dan, I'll be straight back. Okay?"

"Okay."

When Phil returned he gave Dan the glass of water, which was gone within seconds. Phil was obviously right about him being thirsty! Phil sat carefully down beside Dan's head and started stroking his hair as a way of trying to keep Dan calm.

"This can't be real, Phil. It can't be. How can it be? I haven't spoken to her for over a week. She can't be gone...she can't be...how can she?" Dan's voice broke as he said the last words, letting out a fresh torrent of tears.

"I know, bear," Phil said as he scooped Dan on to his lap. "I know it's hard but you'll get through this. I'll be there for you every step of the way. I know the pain is unbearable at the moment and it feels like you'll never be happy again but it does get better. Things won't always be this bad- I promise you. I'm not rushing you in the slightest, Dan- no one is. I just want you to know now that it gets better"

"How can it, Phil?" sobbed Dan into Phil's chest. "I'm 22 and motherless for fuck sake! This isn't meant to happen to a 22 year old! A 50 year old maybe but not someone less than half that age. I don't even know how it happened and I don't know if I want to or if I'll ever want to know. It's just too much to take in... I..."

Dan didn't know how to continue and just wept into Phil's chest. Phil pulled him closer and just held him there, acting as the support that Dan desperately needed at this time. After a couple of minutes Dan's weeps subsided) again, so he was just lying peacefully in Phil's arms. Phil looked down at the younger boy in his arms and saw that he was falling asleep. Phil knew from past experience that the shock and grief that Dan had been through today would be knackering and so Phil gently scooped Dan up into his arms and carried him to his bedroom, placing him carefully down on his bed and tucking his duvet around him. Phil glanced at Dan and it appeared he was asleep so he turned around to leave Dan's room when he felt someone grab his hand. He turned around to see Dan staring at him with scared brown eyes.

"Stay with me?" Dan shakily asked Phil.

"Of course I will. Always," Phil replied back to Dan as he crawled into Dan's bed wrapping his arms around the young boy, allowing himself to be lulled to sleep by Dan's steady breathing.


End file.
